Rude Tales Of Magic Wiki
Advertisement
GfkXP9WXoAExMZQ

Every year, the Rude Tales crew plays Yuletide Kombat Family, an amazing adventure where holiday characters fight each other to save Christmas (I think?). This year, however, the battle is PROM-THEMED! How? Why? Who? Huh? All will be answered in YULETIDE KOMBAT FAMILY IV: PROM!

Yuletide Kombat Family is invented, GM’d, produced, and sound designed by Tim Platt. Editing from Sam Grant with special fighting music from Steve DeSiena. BUCKET OF MILK 4 LIFE BABY!

Summary[]

Tim Platt describes a message he received from God, telling the tale of how Jesus had a terrible experience at his prom. He was embarrassed when his date cut herself in half to also go with his father Joseph and he was “Carried” with pig’s blood. As a board member of the Yuletide Kombat committee, he uses his sway to make this year’s battle prom-themed where he will declare the prom kings and/or queens. The fighters arrive at a rented out high school, where they each bring a date and do battle for their attention. The fighters arrive with their dates and quickly begin taking an interest in each other and their respective dates. Buster Poindexter, the ghost of Christmas past from Scrooge, brings his date: the feast of 7 fishes in a wet briefcase. Doctor Who brings a dog with antlers, who he assures everyone is a transformed human he must kiss before midnight (and really mean it). An ancient radio playing the broadcast of Queen Elizabeth’s first broadcast is carried in by the The Rockettes, and Clarence the angel from It’s A Wonderful Life waits for his date Good King Wenceslas. Coca Cola Santa (a weaker, more spoiled Santa who only speaks in “Hohoho”) brings Yule Log Streaming With No Ads.

They meet in the unisex bathroom where they begin to gossip and mingle. Buster shows an interest in the dog, but Saint George (with his techno-organic virus mechanical arm) interrupts them suspecting there may be a fight. Doctor Who is nostalgic for the queen of England that he will meet in the future, and Clarence and Coca Cola Santa start to hit it off. They are then sent out to the dance floor to do battle. Buster uses his cab to make the queen’s radio and Clarence witness their pasts, but Clarence proceeds to make out with Santa. Santa buffs himself with his soda, but Clarence is only more interested in him. The queen summons a barrier of dancing Rockettes, but Doctor Who goes back in time and kills them off in the past. The queen’s droning story about the Christmases of her youth begin to drain everyone’s energy, so Clarence rings a bell, granting him his wings. He flies the radio into orbit and drops her back towards the earth as the queen’s staff informs her that she will feel the damage in real time. She forces the prince into her seat instead to take the damage, but putting a child in danger makes Saint George intervene. The contact with the radio spreads his virus to all of England. Doctor Who mourns the loss of England, and in his misery kisses his dog date. She turns into her true form: Kylie Minogue. The two teleport away from the battlefield as Buster drives Clarence back in time to get assassinated. This awakens Clarence’s true form as a talking galaxy, and Buster is gunned down shortly after by Jack Ruby.

Santa finally chooses Clarence as his prom date, and Jesus emerges to declare them the Yuletide Kombat couple. Santa is given his thorny crown and makes an acceptance speech (composed entirely of “ho’s”). Clarence reveals a hanging rope he was planning to wait until after the prom to pull, but he wants Santa to do it. Santa pulls the cord, causing a bucket of water to fall on Santa. It’s revealed to be a plan set up by John the Baptist to baptize him.

Trivia[]

  • Saint George is described as having a metallic arm, which the players interpret as his armor. Tim refers to it as the techno organic virus, a reference to Cable from X-Men.


Links[]

Episode: https://headgum.com/rude-tales-of-magic/yuletide-kombat-2024-prom-edition

Advertisement