"All will be calm before me. None shall tremble. All will breathe a sigh of relaxation or taste my steel!"
An extremely large, dedicated and aggressive paladin of vacationism. While only serving for two weeks, he is adamant and ready to die for his faith and any of his comrades. Fortunately, he quickly spots Bellow and the party as friends. He is a massive man in chainmail, but wears a puka shell necklace and suntan lotion as signs of his faith.
Wartortle abandoned his family to answer the call of Danny Timeshare, swearing to spend his life serving his order after what he considers a waste of his time elsewhere. He has never actually spoken to the god, but attempts to take his teachings very seriously (probably more seriously than they were meant to be). Upon hearing that Bellow has met the god of vacations himself, he admires the tiefling as his dearest friend and hero.
He happens upon the party, believing Stirfry and Frederick to be monsters attacking them. Bellow recognizes him as a fellow vacationist, and agrees to camp for the night with him. They share in his bottomless wineskin of sangria, which he offers to give to them if they help him slay some sirens that have been driving travelers mad with their song. He demands to be exposed to their song and lashed to the largest party member (Bellow turned into a horse). He quickly falls for their spell, exposing Bellow to it as well in a confused attempt to help him hear it. He is ultimately stopped in his efforts too late when Cordelia casts Deafness upon him.
They dispatch the sirens and part ways with Wartortle. They do not meet him again until he meets Danny himself, who silences the paladin before word of his plans can spread.
Trivia[]
- Wartortle is named after a Pokemon. Similarly, his father was named Blastoise Spone and his son Squirtle Spone; the latter and earlier evolutions of Wartortle. He says his wife is named Female Wartortle Spone.
- His favorite smell is blood. His favorite suntan lotion scent is coconut.
- Despite being a relatively new paladin, he wields some powers similar to Bellow's such as turning enemies who are on the job.